Monday, February 27, 2006

The Most Pig-Ignorant Man You'll Ever Meet

You may not realise from reading this blog but according to a lady I had an altercation with on Saturday afternoon, I'm the "most pig-ignorant man she's ever met". She must have inner psyhic powers because she only just met me. To allow you the full gravitas of the situation, I'll start from the beginning.
I was in Forestside shopping for clothes in a retail outlet when their alarm went off and everybody was asked to leave the shop. I had an armful of clothes at the time and so slumped them over a railing so I could pick them up when I was allowed back in (unless I had unwittingly been stealing them and the alarm was for my benefit). Alas when I got to the door the alarm was over and we were allowed to remain in the shop. I picked up my clothes and took up my position in the queue only to be cut in by a woman with a pram.
"I was here first" she said.
"No, you just cut in line" I replied.
"You're the most pig ignorant man I've ever met" she retorted.
"You don't even know me." I offered.
"I'm glad I don't" she said, therefore quashing her original statement since if she's never met me, how would she know?
Woah. Where did that come from? What do you do in a situation like this?
I turned my back on her and waited to pay. What can you say to that? She must have led a very sheltered life if that act made me the most pig-ignorant man she'd ever met.
Then her child who was in the pram starting trying to grab a bag I was holding in my hand from HMV.
"Don't play with the mans bag" she whispered to the pram ridden baby, "he might say something."
I turned around to give her THAT LOOK. You know that one you say with your eyes like "catch yourself on you silly bitch" but she had turned her head like an owl and was avoiding my steely gaze.
The hilarity is that there were three cashiers on the til and she actually got served before me so I actually did her a favour, not that she would acknowledge it. Because she's pig-ignorant of course.

2 Comments:

Anonymous Steve said...

To lift a quote from one of my favourite books:

"Save yourself, kill them all"

8:25 pm  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

So, you do your clothes shopping a Dorothy Perkins? Explains a few things :')

11:27 pm  

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