Itchy & Scratchy
Do you ever get those annoying itches you can't scratch? I've thought about this and there's 3 that really irritate:
1. The eyes. This is one you can work at but it doesn't matter because 3.4 seconds after a satisfying rub, it'll only itch again causing your eye to water so you can either walk around like you're crying from a single eye or rub it so hard it looks like you've been stoned on one side.
2. The throat. This one can be solved by swallowing really hard which doesn't really work or you can combine this by making a noise like "achzhaczhzchaczh" in the hope that combined relief will help but it just mkaes you look like you're coughing up a hairball and slighly insane.
3. The crack. Yep, that's the itch that's just a little too far up your butt to scratch in public. Oh sure you can writhe about in your chair but it just looks like you have piles. The only way to solve this is take 5 minutes out and lock yourself in a cubicle. Wash, rinse, repeat if necessary.
posted by Phil @ 8:24 pm
5 Comments:
That was a bit random
Yes, I was about to write and then I got an itchy eye and then I wrote an article about annoying itches.
Random almighty! As your brother I don't really want to be thinking about you scratching your crack, but as a fan of comedy I can see how a stand-up comic could use a sketch like that.
It's the sort of think Billy Connolley would use, and I can imagine him walking up and down on-stage with his old man "my butt's itchy" walk complaining about heamerroids!
I think it would be more like "LOOK AT MEEEEE! I'VE GOT AN ITCYHY ARRRRRSE!"
how about the itch on the palm of your hand and you are not quite sure where it is.
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