Wednesday, October 18, 2006

Classic Literature

I recieved this text in a spam email today. I must talk like this for a day and see where it gets me.

With Bingley's sudden appearance and invitation, the mother and three daughters all attended her into the breakfast room.

"He has been so unlucky as to lose your friendship" replied Elizabeth with emphasis in a compliment of the highest kind.

"Ah! Miss, true indeed. It is a grievous affair to my poor girls, you must confess. not that I mean to consult your own feelings in the present case, or do you imagine that you are a dear madam, so do not go. I beg you will not go." stated Mr. Collins who then excused himself. He couldn't help but disbelieving the whole of the matter; secondly, he was very sure that Elizabeth had been taken in; anything rather than marry without affection. He left wondering what he ought to do.

"My dear Miss Elizabeth, I have the highest opinion in the world in your excellent judgement in this long dispute following this declaration" Mr. Bennet stated firmly. It soon led to another; "And considering what their income might be, rejected by many as deficient in size and importance, it
does not greatly surpass what is usually met with. A woman must have a thorough knowledge of the terms, I suppose, which must be complied with."

It's totally reeled me in.

Who is Mr Bingley and what has prompted his sudden appearance?
Is Mr Collins a concerned father figure?
Has Elizabeth been taken in by this dispute?
Who is Mr Bennet and what's his angle?


Anonymous Skry said...

Dear brother,

I feel I should write to you with all haste on this issue, for you may have fallen foul of some spam mail.

You see, the good postmasters such as Mr GMail and Sir Hotmail receive many such scrupulous letters each day and quickly realise that the content of many such letters is the same. To this end they will quickly and without repast flag all such letters as spam and send them, not via the Queen's Royal Mail, but to your spam folder, thus helping you delete it.

The senders, such fiendish devils as they are, are forced to change the content of their spam on a regular basis to avoid getting caught by the postmaster. They will avail themselves of novels and include random paragraphs without a by-or-leave from the author, who obviously would rather you get to read the complete works.

If the address the letter is sent to should not exist, the postmaster (just like the Queen's Royal Mail) will send a "Message Delivery Failure" to the fiendish devils, who will use this knowledge to take you off their spamming list. However, should these cads send a mail that reaches you, they will know of your existence and torment you with further spam or, worst still, classical French poetry!

Unfortunately the sudden appearance of such a letter is a grievous affair - these terrible people now know of your existence and soon I fear you may know the answer to all the questions you have asked in your journal, even the one about "Who is Mr Bennet and what's his angle?"

My dear brother, I have the highest opinion in the world in your excellent judgement in this matter and am sure you will have deleted it as spam. In doing so, your postmaster will send a Message Delivery Failure to the scoundrels, who may think your address does not exist and will remove it from their list.

In Gods name I hope this is true,

Master Skry

10:43 pm  
Anonymous Steve said...

Nice one Keith!

Every once in a while I check through the spam my home mail server receives and some of the techniques spammers use to attempt to bypass spam filters makes me chuckle, especially when they insert snippets of literature, like this:

A place for everything and everything in its place. The e-mail of the species is more deadly than the mail. The pen is mightier than the sword. A cat may look at a Queen. On the Turf all men are equal, and under it

Does anyone actually buy stuff advertised by spam mail?

6:50 pm  
Anonymous Skry said...

I have never bought anything online that I haven't already wanted to buy beforehand. I don't think that I will ever buy because of spam, simply because I would be encouraging it!

Actually if it made me think "Hmmm... I'd like one of them..." I'd buy one, but I'd make sure it was from a different company so their spamming techniques weren't working!

10:21 pm  

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