Friday, July 14, 2006

Orange Lodge Flambé, Tear And Share Garlic Bread (Disputed Territory style) and Tiger Supper

On Wednesday the usual cook-off was cancelled for the Twelfth. Nationalists, Loyalists and even locals from the remedial schools stepped up to the challenge, making an Orange Lodge Flambé for starters, “Tear & Share” Garlic Bread (Disputed Territory Style) for main course and a Tiger Supper for dessert. Here’s the science.

Orange Lodge Flambé
[Serves 1 Nationalist cause]

Ingredients
Some alcohol
An Orange Lodge
A cigarette lighter

Method
1. Drink the alcohol (the cheaper the better) as quickly as possible.
2. Allow body to stew in alcohol for a while until intoxicated.
3. Find an Orange Lodge and add the lighter.
4. Heat until charred on all sides.

Tear And Share Garlic Bread (Disputed Territory style)
[Serves no one]

Ingredients
At least two rival religious groups
One small fragile country

Method
This is an excellent meal for those of you who don’t like the more traditional garlic bread, as it involves no garlic or bread! It has been a favourite in Ireland for some time and is currently going down a treat in Israel and Palestine.
1. Add the religious factions into the small, fragile country.
2. Mix well before leaving to stand. The religions should separate by themselves.
3. Allow tensions to simmer unhindered for as long as possible. If the tensions do not simmer after a while, lightly beat the population.
4. When the tension rises sufficiently, the religious factions will tear and share the country for you.

Tiger Supper
[Serves them right]

Ingredients
Plenty of alcohol
One person (brains removed)
A tiger (you can find these in your local zoo)

Method
If you have any people left over from other recipies for disaster and you’re wondering what to do with them, simply remove the brains and try this meal for size.
1. Add the alcohol to the moron, ensuring that you use enough to fully remove any chance of intelligence.
2. Allow the person to become very drunk.
3. Introduce the idiot to the tiger enclosure (some climbing may be necessary).

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Jenny said...

LOL at "If the tensions do not simmer after a while, lightly beat the population."

The tiger thing reminds me of this (incorrectly titled 'Tiger Attack'):
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Dvehfk5eNUU

7:19 pm  
Blogger Jay Tea said...

LOL at [serves no one]

Hilarious Keith - I should give you a regular slot!

2:53 am  

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